SAMPLE SHOE SALE

SHOE SALE

Oh come on now...

I said I'd be back on May 1...oops, I lied.

Here's the thing; I'm at 162.4 on a bad day and 158 on a good day - not close to the 144 I was hoping to be by June 1.

Deep sigh. The good news is that I'm back to working out at the Y again and have committed to doing morning workouts. I have been 30 plus pounds lighter for the past two years but I haven't forgotten my roots. It was those morning workouts at the Y and not eating out that got me down from 194 and it will be those same two things that will get me down to 144 (and maybe 140!).

THIS IS IT...

I'm getting my finances together (buh buy student loan), excelling at work and getting into my best shape ever.

How do I know this is it? I don't :( lol...all I know is what I've known all along...I can't do what ever I put my mind too...

What's my motivation...

I have been at this for sooo long, I just want something new...no more cut and wobbly arms...I want to be fit...

My biggest issue is the damn birthday cakes at work. I used to laugh at Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig-ers who condemn their work environment and even blamed it for their weight. Sadly, I now understand how unhealthy the work place can be!

In one week I will report on my progress and hopefully write a lot more...I'm so beat right now...I was at the Y by 7:30am today...

I am back...okay, I'm almost back...

The real kick off will be Saturday May 1

What's on my plate (no pun intended)

• training for the Vancouver Sun Run 10k
• losing my last 10lbs
• meeting all my goals and objectives at work

By June 1 I want to be in a different place...a free, peaceful and accomplished place. I know I have to work on it though...and work I will...

I'm reading Trey Anthony right now

Christmas Break

This is it...A break from blogging and ultimately dieting until the new year. The year when I will achieve all of my dreams. I have post its and notes all over my room to inspire me. Eventually I will accomplish EVERYTHING I set out to accomplish. It won`t be easy. For the next 9 days I will be charting out my journey.

There has been a lot of bad and good news in the world this year. First black president, but the war still goes on. Lots of celebs have died, football players to the King of Pop. All so tragic. Even this week Britney Murphy and Chris Henry died. The saddest death to me though was that of Jade Goody. She succumbed to cancer earlier this year leaving behind her children and husband. She became a reality star in 2002 and although a lot of stars have passed this year the fact that she was my age, 27, made hers hurt me the most.

If I were to pass away right now I would feel so unaccomplished. I am not trying to change the world but I want to achieve a lot more than what I have at this point. I need to plan a way to continue to achieve and reach new highs in 2010...

.:::things to do to keep me from eating:::.

I had an epiphany after running 45mins and up and down stairs 5 times that one of these times I will get it right and lose my last ten pounds. One of these diets must end in victory! for real...

Now on to my cheat sheet: Things to do before I cheat on my health plan...

• read my motivation list
• pray
• drink water
• brush my teeth

Coming up: MY MOTIVATION...

my friend said this reminds her of me: People Think I got a Horseshoe Up My--

HOTTTT!!!!

horseshoe up my ass...

Diets During the Holiday are Foolishness

Got my December issue of Shape Magazine and guess what the editor message is about? "Why I now ban diets during the holidays."

Pretty much she says that every pound that she loses from Thanksgiving to the New Years from withstanding the temptations she ends up putting back on, and more. To top it off she said she doesn't lose a lot. Something like 6 pounds.

I too have realized that diets in December are pointless. I am going to write off diets in the summer too (from Canada Day- July 1 to Labour Day). With all the get togethers it is pointless to try to lose anything. Instead I will focus on maintaining and, more importantly, enjoying!

Hey, I'm down more than 40lbs. I can binge all I want and I won't go back to the 194lbs I used to be. Wow. Sometimes I need to take a look at what I've accomplished and be grateful. Not eat 6 cupcakes in a row grateful but push myself on the treadmill more grateful. It's almost most 2010, a new year and I am ready more than even to continue to experience new adventures and more blessings in my life. Yeah!!!!

P.S. read Jasmyne Cannick's Take on Holiday Binging...

only 6.8 to go

I'm 156.6lbs and that's after binging on Dominoes Pizza all weekend. For now I would be happy to see 149.9 on the scale. Seeing 151.8 again would be great too...
That's only 1.7lbs or so per week. As long as I keep up with running I don't see why this isn't achievable...

Portion Sizes

that right there is my issue. I skipped the chance to have the worlds best coffee cake today. That was my only real temptation in the last 12 days of not having dessert. I ended up eating a medium pepperoni pizza with 10 wings and 2 sodas. I remember the last time I ate like this. It was when I put on my freshman 40...

Current Projects and Thoughts

1. not eating dessert for the rest of the month. I realize that I shouldn't have told everyone about this because they don't get it...I'm just trying to brush up on will power.
2. not watching t.v. for the rest of the month
3. no McDonald's for the rest of the year (last meal was on September 30). This one might be hard because when I'm making life decisions I like to be comforted with a Big Mac Combo...it represents something that has been constant in my life
4. I'm fat. The scale says I'm 159 but in resent pictures I look more like 179. I want to never eat again.
5. I am always on a diet. Oh well, if it keeps me from going back to the 170's...IT'S ALL GOOD.

and the saga continues!!!

Personal Weight Loss Tips

• I need at least a 3 month period where my schedule is not expected to change
• a goal event where it would be nice to lose weight by but no the end of the world if I don't lose a lot
• plan my workouts

What Had Happen Was

I ate 9 cupcakes this weekend. It started with the grand re-opening sale at Old Navy where I bought not one but two wool coats at half off for the winter. They are beautiful and make me feel beautiful. And the free cupcakes and cake was a bonus!

So that was only 3 cupcakes on Saturday morning. Oh, let me back it up; on Friday I went to a CFL game (where the B.C. Lions lost horribly) and ended up eating at Red Robins at midnight and even had dessert. Fast forward to last night where I had a 6-pack of cupcakes, again.

It's a new day...I'm moving on...gonna hit the gym this morning...

THIS IS IT

I'm not referring to the Michael Jackson movie but to my D.I.E.T.

I more or less started today. The 5th seems like a nice enough day to start the diet that I know will lead me to 144. Coincidentally, it's exactly eight weeks from now until the end of the year.

Now the thing about this diet is that I will eat whatever I want. Because that's what I did in October and I'm still in the 150's.

Matter of fact this shouldn't be called a diet. Tyra's show yesterday was about "getting your shape in shape". Everything about it was cool except her "if you bite it, write it" rule. That's the different between a diet and a life change. If I'm writing what I'm eating down that means I'm dieting despite what Ms. Tyra thinks.

People who are living healthy lives and are maintaining their weight, don't walk around with diet journals. Journaling is probably the part of dieting that I do the least. I write days that I go to the gym and this year I've been writing my binges but that's about all I've written down consistently.

For the next 8 weeks I will probably weigh in everyday and write it on my mirror. And I expect to lose 1.775/week to bring down to 144 by the 31st of December.

LET THE GAMES BEGIN...

p.s Isn't Shemar Moore fione????

I bit the bullet...

and got a scale.

Got it from target...I even stepped on it...after all my binging and I`m still in the 150`s, 159.2 to be exact, after eating! I`ll take in and run...my next D.I.E.T. starts soon....

I know I'm sick

I ate 3 of the above, a lemon poppy seed muffin, a white chocolate macadamia nut cookie and a slice of cake. I'm sick...and you know what that means!

ANOTHER DIET! My last? Doubt it. My last for the year even? Ha.

I will be trying to "eat clean" for the rest of the year. Except for Christmas parties. This starts on November 1, 2009. I will be buying a scale to keep on track! (I know, that evil, devil like contraption).

I have to make better food choices. I want to journal daily about my progress and weigh in weekly.

P.S. bless Price Smart for the cool deco on the cupcake but really, you know they are just going in the garbage. and the coffin...might as well say Rest In Peace Michelle C. Williams if I don't get my diet together...and I'm off to eat No. 4

The Evidence is in the Calves...

So for the past year I have been noticing a few truths about losing a large amount of weight (20% or more of total weight). One thing is how flabby arms are almost unavoidable. We might as well just get used to them and pray that they look presentable because it seems like only 10% of us will have Angela Bassett arms after weight loss.

The other thing is that the calf doesn't shrink proportionately. I look at all the female winners of The Biggest Loser and while they have shrank down to a sliver of what they used to be there calves are still huge. Me too. I've been bit by the big calf bug too. My thighs have gone down almost 5 inches while my calves have only gone from 17 to 15 inches. I'm not impressed.

Luckily even though look big still, because I have lost over 40lbs I am sure that no one notices that I still have problems fitting into knee high boots...

..::Did You Lose Weight?::..

I knew from earlier this year that running was the best keep secret in losing weight. I also knew that because it was probably the most difficult form of exercise for someone who was not fit, that most people trying to lose weight wouldn't pick it up to help their efforts.

I have started running consistently again since the beginning of this month and I've notices the difference. Yes, the Buddha belly and turkey arms are still there but my stomach is looking fit! Any my face is looking slim. I figure if I keep this up until the end of the month, and don't over eat too much, I will be at 149 by my 2-7 b-day.

I am so happy that I'm at this point in my journey. Where I can enjoy food and still look good! Where I appreciate putting in a 30 minute run into my day. It's a great point. I wish more of my bigger friends were at this point.

I still have my last 10 to go but I'm taking my time. 1lb a week is good enough for me.

Note: the title of this post is one of the things that big people like the most. For more things read here and below.

There’s Stuff White People Like, Stuff Educated Black People Like, and so many more. This list is nowhere close to the over 100 “stuff” listed on SWPL but it features some key thing that my fellow fatties and I have grown to appreciate. What better way is there to kick off the Thanksgiving weekend than with this list? Enjoy!

-the following are in no particular order

New Restaurants
When I first moved to B.C. I was amazed at the number of American restaurant chains that were here. Red Robins, Papa John’s and IHOP just to name a few. I felt like a kid in a candy shop (no pun intended). New places give us an excuse to eat out.

Distractions at the Gym
iPods, Magazines, hotties lifting weights, funny workout partners: all are acceptable forms of passing time while cursing the invention of the elliptical

Fatter Friends
A fatter friend makes us look small by default. Just like an ugly friend can make one look hotter. It’s sad but true.

Value Meals/Fastfood Coupons
Any excuses to stop off at McDonald’s/BK etc. are welcomed.

Convenience
aka. not having to go the extra mile. Literally.

Cakes
Self explanatory.

Dessert Shops
Remember when Demetri’s started opening up everywhere? Or the first speciality cupcakes shop (now there are tons)? What about Marble Slab? Oh, the joy that was brought into our lives because we no longer only had Baskin Robbins.

Skinny Friends with “Big” Appetites
Truly, we like anyone who loves food like us.

Being Told We’ve Lost Weight
Nothing like being told that we look smaller to give us confirmation that our diet of Big Macs and Cinnabons is working.

Shoes
No matter how much we gain they’ll always fit!

..::Diet Books::..

I can't say that I didn't make it this far without taking a look at a few diet books in my life.

Most recently I have used Jillian Michael's Making the Cut. A book for losing your last 15-20lbs. Quickly I will list the pros and cons
Pro:

• very detailed- includes diet and workouts
• helped me lose 9lbs in the 30 days
• is only a 30 day plan
• workouts are short

Cons:

• big azz book
• too big to be bringing around to the do the workouts (even though I did)
• not enough cardio (she recommends we add it on ourselves though)

Overall Making the Cut is a good book. It follows through on it's promises. I didn't follow the diet plan (at all-ate out and fast food twice a week) but I still got results and now, 2 weeks since I ended, I am still cut.

I have the Eat Clean Diet book. It's small and full with bright colour pictures but I haven't really used it. I will do that start that in November.

I recently finished reading Such a Pretty Fat. Jen Lancaster is a funny writer. Her sarcasm reminds me of my friends but honestly, almost 400 pages and all she did was lose 40lbs? (she started at a size 24 or something).

She gets props from me for losing even a pound. I was just disappointed that it took her over 200 pages to get started. I could only take the wittiness for so long. Along with that, the fact that she never mentioned what she started at cheesed me too. I mean, I was reading the book because it might be a success story. Something that might inspire me. My overall impression is that procrastination and excuse making is all that fat people are good for. Myself included. I mean, I've been trying to lose my last 10lbs for over 6 months now. I need to get it together. I don't want to do Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig and because I'm saving for an Audi, I can't start boxing classes. But I need to get it together, just like Jenny did. So I guess, even though I don't know what she started at, she did inspire me a bit. To not be how she was in the begining of the book.

..::the new me::..

There are a few things I want to do...I think this blog is where I should begin to list them:

1. Get friends who are living how I want to live
2. Set Goals quarterly
3. Work on query letters (yeah, I wrote a book too!)
   
4. Spend two hours a week working on PDE (personal development exercises)
5. Have devotion/meditate ever day
6. Create a plan for an urban social network in Vancouver- with meet ups every weekend in the summer of 2010
7. Budget concisely and effectively (refer to blueprints)

The list will grow. And in relation to one of my previous post, I am finally writing Stuff Fat People Like. I will post a link to it because I'm doing it for www.thedashingfellows.com.

This website should be shifting to better reflect the new me. I need to stop the perma-dieting! One friend said that since February I've been on like 10 diets. Even worse, last weekend my friend made the straight-faced comment that he just assumes I'm always on a diet!

Listen, I don't wanna be like Jen Lancaster, author of the funny Such a Pretty Fat, who talks and talks but is still over 275lbs (just guessing because over 200 pages into the book she hasn't dropped the exact damage). The more I talk the more people realize my imperfections and my weight. I need to snap this thing and move from talking about the negative (my gut is so big, my hips ugh etc.) to the positive (boxing has given me ripped abs, I've lost over 40lbs and have kept it off etc.).

I am 154 right now! That's great. And with my current progress I should be 149 by October 31. And then at 144 by December 1. Slow and steady does it. Even if it doesn't I'm in the safe zone (under 160 in shoes).

has anyone ever lost weight eating pizza and big macs everyday?

So my date of post must be on E.S.T. because the date says September 30 when I was writing it late on the 29th, west coast time. I am mentioning this because on the 30th, my last day, I didn't do my last JM workout. Instead I did the following;

• had a big mac with large fries
• had a fat burger strawberry shake and chilli cheese fries
• had a gourmet cookie from George on Denman Street
• had a carrot cake with icing from the same place

Ball park, that was probably 3000 calories alone, on a day when I didn't work out.

But...that's not all.

My curiosity of how many calories I do consume on that day lead me to find out how many calories were in my meal from Red Robins that I had on Sunday.

The guacamole bacon burger and 3 baskets of fries totals 2461 according to the website.

So twice in less than a week I had days where I consumed more than 3000 calories!

And in spite of it all...I weighed in at 158 in my clothes...minus the standard tare for shoes and clothes and I presume I'm at 154! One pound lighter than I was go for and only 2.2 above the smallest I was (last seen May 17th ish this year).

So I just ingested 1/2 a pizza and a gourmet cookie...I've still had less than 1500 for the day.

I'm back to running for this month and might do some JM in November. I need to alternated.

Hopefully I will be taking boxing in January.

I'M HAPPY TO BE BACK IN THE 150'S

p.s. I can't remember if I used the above picture before, but it inspires me to continue to be in the best shape of my life...WHAT A FEELING! my measurements are 37-28.5-41.5 and my thighs went from 24.5 to 22.75"

..::OnE mOrE dAy::..

It's been 3 weeks since I said I won't step on the scale....I said fire and brimstone if i stepped on it before the end of the month and I stuck to it! The scary thing is that I feel fit but I wouldn't be surprised if I didn't see 152 or even the 155 I want to at least see.

The moment of truth is in less than 48 hours. I will be having a big mac meal before then! Oh well. This is the way I live; eat-workout-eat-work it out. C'est la vie!

I had a slim day...

3 days ago.

Friday was my one year anniversary of being in Vancouver. I celebrated with a Big Mac combo. Still stayed under my calories for the day. I even bought 2 apple pies for 1.39 and one of them is still in the fridge. The old me would have killed that by now! But I'm trying to balance out the fact that I had pizza and ice cream cake (free from my p/t job) on Saturday, rotisserie chicken and chicken pot pie on Sunday and yam fries and a white chocolate brownie from Moxi's and catered food (cookies, breads, cakes etc.) from work yesterday.

That's way too much and I can see the fat look coming back...

I have just over a week before my weigh in after 30 days on the JM plan. Although my eating hasn't been good, my work outs have been and I'm proud that I've made it 22 days strong thus far. 8 more days and 5 more JM workouts to go!

why does everyone want to make me fat?!?!

Just had some free domino's...3 slices, 2 cans of soda....and countless hersey nuggets....
it's a damn conspiracy I say!

I had a weight revelation because of this. I'm just going to try to get to 155 again...the 140's can come when they come...lol...I can't give up this food, glorious, food (watch ice age 2 for the song)...

We all need to get us some "Scale B Gone"

I have been scale free for almost a week. I have to resist the temptation because if I do go on and see something I don't want to see who knows what I'm going to do.

12 days on the JM workout plan has me looking fit but the difference in my clothes is minute.

What's a girl to do? I have to focus on a fitness goal and never mind the numbers because they will drive me crazy.

I might even fore go weighing in on the 1st and just stick it out until October 31 (my 27th b-day). On that day two years ago I was almost 200lbs! It was my most saddest birthdays every. I hung out with my family and enjoyed going to Dave & Busters and all around Toronto but when I looked in the mirror (or thought about what was in the mirror) I didn't like what I saw.

I was fat, single and jobless. I had never been in such a bad state before and it was depressing enough for me to cry. On my quarter century celebration!

But thank God for his grace because the following year things had changed. I moved across the country, I was a published writer and I was 30lbs lighter. And this year even more has changed....I am now 40lbs lighter from that point (hoping to make it 50lbs by that day).

October 31, 2009 will be my official move from being in my mid-twenties to late-twenties (kinda yuck). But with knowing that I'm older comes celebration of all the victories I have had. Not everyone can live on their own in a different country, lose 40lbs and keep it off and be liked by ever new person they meet. The favour of God is definitely upon me. And because of that I know that this weight will come off and I will accomplish my fitness goals once and for all! the when is the real question.

soon.....

It's a good darn thing that I have no followers...

'cause I'm not worthy...right now.

I had the most unproductive day ever today. I mean I have books to read, things to write and people to see. But today for some reason the most I got done before 6pm was making a fry baloney sandwich--not a good look.

It was sad. I don't get why I did it either. When I finally got up I went to the Y though. Sad thing is I forgot my shorts. So there went the work out but I did swim for 30 minutes and did 11 minutes in the steam room and 4 in the sauna.

Event-less sounding I know. But here's the kicker...I weighed in at 163.6 today. Practically butt naked. I don't care if I'm on my period, just ate a pack of cupcakes or not. THAT IS PURELY UNACCEPTABLE. I mean I look great to me. The stomach is looking fit, dare I say I have the silhouette of a six pack? But yet the number hasn't gone down it has gone up. Even if I was 8 months pregnant that's not right.

So what did I do, even after my friend was like you have a trip in a month to get ready for? I got a big mac combo. I had a coupon. It came up to $4.71. I ate in under 4 minutes.

I'm done with the scale. Forget what I've said in the past. This is it. I will not weigh in until after I finish 30 days of the plan I'm on to see what doing JM workouts for a month does for me.

THE REAL REASON I BLOGGED TONIGHT:
I didn't come on to put myself on blast. I came on because as I was getting ready to leave McDevil's I saw a women; 30ish, chubby, size 16, 5 '2. She was in work out gear; capri running pants, fitted zipped jacket. All I could think was even though I was more "fit" than her. We were the same person. She got nuggets I believe.

What is it about this weight thing that makes it so difficult to not circum to McDonald's at 9 at night? Jasmyne Cannick talks about her drive thru addiction even after losing 85lbs. This ish is serious.

I am happy with my workout, and besides group outings, and today's indiscretion, I really don't eat out or bad. So why is the scale not reflecting that?

NOW BACK TO MY RANT...
Mother pluck the scale! For real! Fire and brimstone if I step on that mug before October 1 and if I hit it up more than once a month for the rest of the year. I don't have one in the house for this reason. I mean, I have a measuring tape, and if I'm serious about my goal being getting ripped then what the heck do I need that damn electrical contraption for? So it can laugh at my dedication to working out by spiting out such absurd numbers?

I can't believe I've been constantly in the 160's for so long now...since late-August. usually it's for a day or two...not after two weeks of working out. Life was so much better before I step on the scale again.

The JM Workout Plan

I heard that Jillian Michaels' DVD's are the truth. And since starting back with her workout in Making the Cut, I am considering copping them to stay in shape. Doing 3 days of her workouts have my body looking "cut". No lie!

I've got 24 for days of this to go! I might way in tomorrow to see what the first 7 days of the plan did.

Mind you this isn't like how I did it in January. This time is very laxed. I eat out one a week and I'm allowed to eat a treat like cookies (only 200cals though).

So maybe the results after one week won't be that great. We'll see!

..::I need to make this quick::..

about a month ago I told my friend that I was in the market to change my workout plan from everyday to only 4 times a week. I need to do other things right now: focus on my career, fellowship and socialize etc. It was looking hard to fit in 1hr everyday in workout time not including the prep time before and the clean up time after. The whole thing could take 1.5-2 hours.

Not a lot I know. But dedicating that time everyday was getting tedious. I am writing this now as I am planning to hit the treadmill for a good run. I wish I truly understood my obsession with weight as much as I thought I did. My number one fear is that cutting back on the workouts will lead to weight gain. Is my social life worth it? Do I really need that time to work on my goals? Isn't staying under 155 and getting to 145 my ultimate goal?

Oh the questions. Well, this month I started Jillian Michael's Making the Cut again and I realize that to make the cut I only have to work out 5 times a week. Yeah, I have to hit the gym hard but that frees up two days where I can do my own thing.

So that's what I'm now. Also I want to look into picking up a team activity to keep me fit (most likely indoor soccer).

P.S. I'm featured in September's issue of SHAPE Magazine for losing 45lbs in total. My before picture wasn't that stellar and wasn't as bad as the one I put up here but what evs. It feels nice to be an ins

i'm going for the gaunt look!

I have a day short of 6 weeks to get beach ready (again). This time it's Miami Beach. This will be the last trip in my world tour this year which took me to England, Jamaica and back to Toronto. I am looking forward to this event! It is also the last event I have to motivate me to get to 144.

I'm not impressed at the amount of times I kept pulling up just shy of my goal. I realized a few things this year though:

• My eating habits not my lack of exercise is what causes me to go up


• I get away with the odd cheat here and there but a week of cheating catches up with me a week later (some type of delayed effect)


• Not eating out and working out everyday is able to take off any fluff weight I put on in a short time
• for a 8-10lb gain of fluff weight (ie. came on within 2 weeks) only 7-10 days of doing the above is necessary...I can lose the fluff weight in half the time it took to put it on

There are a lot more things that I've learned this year. I have realized what it takes to stay under 165 for year! and how not to go back up significantly. Shout outs to Jasmyne Cannick for showing a sister that being a statistic and putting back on the weight isn't enevitable.

I've been in the 150's since January. 156 has been the smallest I've been since May but I want to get back to 152 during the first week of September and get rid of my last 8lbs before Miami (October 7).

I put the following in my mirror: Eat Right. Work Hard. Sacrifice.

That's what this thing comes down to. We go up and we go down but when I'm 144 you best believe that I'm not going back up to even 159- to 155 maybe, but no higher. That's why I want to get smaller...to have some breathing room....

.::I tidied up my point of view...i GOT a NEW attitude::.

ohh-ohh, ohh-ohh, ohh...I GOT A NEW ATTITUDE

I'm back in Vancouver and I'm unpacking from a week in Ontario. I was 156 when I got there and despite a wedding and numerous dining out excursions, I am the same. Not bad. Some even said I looked smaller than I did in May when I saw them. Either way, I am just grateful that in the 10 wks since they last saw me I didn't gain weight.

The bridesmaid's dress that had a l'il bit of room in it in May was snug and when I took it off at the end of the night the zipper had busted (I found out that it happened another bridesmaid too, who's a lightweight, so it wasn't a fat thing).

My skin looked great and I managed to do my hair in a cute messy side bun with a sweep and stuck some baby breaths in there. It was the last wedding I am in this year and was a great success! It was fun times with great people...even if the 38C weather on the big day made me wanna throw up.

Moving on to the reason for the title of this post. I realized that I am a fit girl now! I am about to start the journey of losing my last 10 pounds. In January it was all about losing my last 20 and I pulled up after 12lbs and 2 inches all over. Starting on September 1st it will be about seeing that 144 on the scale! I can taste it. And I will be following a little of Jillian Michael's books and the Eat Clean Diet. I will not be traveling for a whole 7 weeks so that should be enough time to get back into my routine...

P.S. I got 725 shoes I got from Walmart this week...they were $27...they look exactly like the $149US purple suede peep toe ankle boots by Steve Madden (2) in the upper right corner of this picture below! I'm just saying!

.::Welcome back, Buddha Belly

Well, well, well...So I'm not in the 160's anymore. I'm 158 . I should be able to end this month at 154 and then commence my "I have to look hot in Miami" workout plan.

And while it seems that losing 4lbs in 3 days is a great thing, having a 5 month pregnant belly is not. I'm done with crunches though...gonna use interval training to smooth it out.

My next update should be after next weekend, the 3rd wedding that I'm in this year!

.::Is that you Fatty McFatAss

I never wanted to see 160 again but I did on Saturday August 1st. I saw 161 to be exact. (shaking my head)

Now 161 is not the 163.2 I saw after coming back from Jamaica, but this number comes after over 2 weeks of being home and working out.

I have eaten a lot of junk though, late night too (yam fries, cakes, burgers etc.). I truly thought (besides the look of my gut) things were balancing out. WRONG

What makes it worse is that I decided to go to Costco and buy a bag of tortillas and a keg of guacamole. One of the the tubs is done and more that half the bag of chips finished since yesterday. I can see this being the start of a downward spiral...

The good thing is that I haven't eaten out since Friday. I'm hoping to keep this up, minus coffee dates, until September at least. I have a lot to accomplish and I need to remember that.

I need to stay 155 or under at all times and that means sacrifices. I need to measure my food intake.

So instead of starting on the perfect note of August 1, I will start drastically monitoring my intake tomorrow. My gut is so ew right now! I CAN'T GO UP. I WON'T GO UP...NOT EVEN TO THE 165 I was at the end of last year. HECK NO...

I need inspiration. I have a friend who is going good right now but I need more than that...hm

J-LO...

I have 10 days to whip my booty and the remainder of August to get back to 152 or so. I CAN AND WILL DO THIS...

I HAVE TO EAT RIGHT

WORK HARD

AND MAKE SACRIFICES...

no more cake at church. no more dinners late night. no more eating after 7.

I will not be Kirstie or Oprah. I ain't going back up.

I WILL BE 145 BY OCT 1...AND BE THAT WEIGHT IN MIAMI

Update September 6, 2009: apparently guacamole is good for weight loss??? read it somewhere and I did get down to 157 even with eating the stuff so I guess it's not that bad even though it has an alarming amount of calories per tablespoon (all from good fats).

So celebs talk about it too

Being off has given me time to catch up on some daytime television...

Y&R is at the top of my catch up list but I've also taken to watching the cosby show, the wendy williams show, magnum p.i., the rockford files, maury and oprah.

I haven't watched Oprah all year. She's in reruns now but it's all new to me! Especially her fat shows. Last week it was Star Jones. It was great because I really think Star is cool people. Yeah she may have married a gay dude and was fired from the view, but she's still a very accomplished woman and that inspires me. The best thing from that show was when she said she still wakes up 307lbs some days. I know exactly what she's talking about. I'm sure others who have changed body types can agree that losing weight in your body doesn't mean you've lost the feelings you used to have. She's lost a whole person and still doesn't feel satisfied sometimes. I've lost over 40 and I still act and feel like fat me sometimes.

This weeks fat show featured Kirstie Alley. (shaking my head). She was really doing her thing on Jenny Craig and now she's fallen off horrible. The whack part about her interview was when she said she found the formula and has lost 20lbs in the past 5 weeks. Get the heck outta here! Even Oprah had to call her out on her BS. There is no formula and any punk whose done a diet in their life would know that! Ugh.

I do give her props though for being honest about the fact that She introduced success story, Valerie Bertinelli to Jenny and now home girl is wearing a bikini on the cover of People. Ouch. Even when Oprah was like "you know you shouldn't compare your body to others," Kirstie was like yes you should! lol.

The best part about that interview was when Oprah was like "can you believe that we are still talking about this." Any fatty (former or otherwise) knows what she meant. I mean me and my girl NG go on and on about how we are sick about talking about our next diet, meal plan etc. And Oprah feels our sentiments. It sucks but this thing is our lives. We will always be talking about it especially if we don't want to go back up.

I'm learning from Oprah and even Kirstie because I AM NOT GOING BACK UP...i got too many outfits and people to prove wrong to even entertain the idea of seeing 160 plus anything on the scale. Not even pregnancy should bring me back up there! Oprah was talking about giving yourself 5lbs but I've done that before and that quickly turns to 15lbs and in my case 50lbs.

I know I will do it too because I have two cousins who have successfully lost their baby fat and never put it back...one of them even had a baby and was back in shape within 2 weeks!

Exercise is a part of my life forever and so is making good food choices!

there is NO formula to this thing...

So I'm back from an almost 3 week vacation in England. The damage from not working out and eating whatever whenever? 3lbs. No lie. Mind you the 1 week I spent in Jamaica made me gain like 10lbs!

What I've learned from this is that there is no formula to this weight thing. I'd love to say that I ate less than I did on the resort in Jamaica (I probably did) but this vacation was longer. The only difference I see now is that while the scale still has me in the 150's (159 to be exact) I'm really flabby. Maybe the lack of a real change on the scale was because I lost muscle mass. Is that possible? My arms are atrocious and my gut...oh my gut. My skin though is glowing....I went makeup less for most of my trip! Besides the tetracycline that my doctor put me on, I think the over saturation of fruits into my diet this summer have been a great help.

So what's my plan now you ask? Simple. Although I have been invited to a half a dozen more weddings this year I will only being going to two. I am in one of them and the other is in Miami. I have already been fitted for the wedding I'm in (btw, prayer works because I fit into the bridesmaid dress for the wedding I was in London...I mean I gave them measurements that were 1.5 inches smaller than me so I thank God that He heard my cries!) and for the miami wedding I might wear a dress I have already so there is no pressure to "make the cut". But, I still want to look good. I AM NOT GOING BACK to what I used to be and if I have do extreme health kicks for a month after a week or two of over indulging forever...so be it! the purge I start on monday will be my third since April....Oh well.

I haven't seen 151.8 since May so I am trying to get to 149 after this purge which, minus the wedding and stagette in August, should last until October.

But after 3 weeks I expect to see 37-28.5-41 again and eventually my arms and shoulders will be ripped as well as my waist/gut flat. The eventually part might take sometime. As long as it's before my 27th birthday (end of October). It's fine!

And the journey continues!

Stats:

Start Weight: 195lbs 39-37-45

Current Weight: 159lbs

Lowest Weight: 151lbs 37-28.5-40.5

P.S. I ate a bag of sun chips (240g at 240cals per 50g that's way over 1200cals) and a pack of mentos today...I can't stop eating!

P.P.S Why are BCBG dresses so hot!?!?!? And why am I a size 8 everywhere else but a 10 there? Just a question!

THE BIGGEST SHOCK EVER

not tupac, biggie, aaliyah or even luther's death shocked me so much.

if i thought about it, i would have seen it coming. instead i chose to ignore the signs and listen to his classic hits (PYT, blame it on the boogie...) on my ipod as i worked out.

Now, 24 hours later and 48 hours before i leave for england i sit in a state of shock. black michael, white michael, young michael, old michael...it doesn't matter. HE WAS THE BEST.

Thank you, Jesus for blessing the world with this awesome human being.

to those who knew him from when he was the oh so cute boy in the jackson 5-the motown crew- my heart goes out to them. while his mentor James Brown died before this day, all of those who michael admired are still here, diana ross, elizabeth taylor, berry gordy, quincy jones, smokie robinson...even his parents and all his siblings are still here...

i'm probably going to cry it out at the funeral....

below is a pic of the swexy Michael Jackson at his best...

They Think I Just Woke Up Like This...

I am always just 2 big macs away from being in the 190's again....Everyday is a struggle for the girl formerly known at 194 plus.

This body and it's current size weren't just handed to me. I put on for my body!

The sacrifices, the struggles and the time that I put into this body and now people want to act like I don't know what it's like to be bigger than you want to be. That's absurd. I have to work overtime to maintain where I'm at now. If I'd just stayed at 180 or so my life would be easy. I'd be the bigger girl-the end. But I had to go into foreign territory and now I have to pay for it.

I am still bigger than most of my close friends. I am an 8/9 on a good day at most they are a 4/5. I am an inch or so taller than some but that's no excuse. So now that I've gotten down some I need to stay there and even get smaller and all the haters (aka. ppl who are big and have been want to lose weight for some time) need to understand that when it seems like all I talk about is working out or what I ate. This ish is a part of MY LIFE for LIFE.

Oh for sure, I'm closer now to perfection in the 150's than I was in the 170's but that doesn't mean that I should relax because when I do that that's when things go back to where they were. Hence why I am always just 2 big macs away from being where I was. Because 2 big macs without remorse becomes 2 more and even whole pizza at night and then it's all down hill and I got too many cute size 6 and 8 clothes that I need to always be able to fit in.

I just had to get that off my chest. Besides small ppl telling me that I don't need to lose weight, people thinking I don't know what it's like want to lose weight is my next biggest piss off.

JUST HAD TO PUT IT OUT THERE....

the picture above is of North Vancouver and those mountains will be seeing me again as I do the Grouse Grind again and again...it ain't easy looking good!

..::Baby Steps Will Get Me There::..

Just had a photoshoot for Shape magazine. I'm not 100% into the photos...the photographer was great...I'm just critical of myself. I saw rolls and flabs! Overall, they looked good but these are photos that are supposed to inspire others. I don't think I was toned as I could have been. I guess over eating in Jamaica was a no no.

I have no regrets though for my indulgences. I will just learn for the next time which is in less than a week. I have to balance this thing once and for all. I will be flying for 19 hrs...6 of which will be a layover in Denver, Colorado. The airport there (which I have stalked online) has many places for me to eat....I have to eat in moderation....I will pack snacks but I can see myself getting some mickey d's.

I've come to realize that I am the only one stopping me from reaching my ultimate goal of 144. Last week I was 157 but I was bloated (if you know what I mean) so I assume I was probably 155 and this weekend when I weigh in I expect to see 152 again. Ultimately I want to be under 150 so for now I will take a 148...and I will take the baby steps to get there. I think by time I visit home again...mid-August...I will be there. CAN'T WEIGHT....LOL

This diet/health plan thing can be annoying, stressing and daunting! I said that come April 1 I would be done and I was for a month or two!

As soon as I see 152 again I going back to not weighing myself....for my mind's sake! I'll use a measuring tape.

Why does 157 look smaller than 152?

I have lost about 6 of the almost 12lbs that I put on while vacationing for two weeks. The thing is I look smaller to me now than I did before I left. Strange.

I have a photo shoot with Shape Magazine this Friday. I'm supposed to look like 148 and I think I do. I look a heck of a lot better than my before picture that's for sure (above).

This journey has been a great one! Who'da thought that after years of yo-yo dieting and over eating that I would get it together and be the smallest I've ever been. What they say is true, you have to hit rock bottom before you can get to the top.

My mission for the next few days before England (aka. the return to my second home and seeing people who haven't seen me since I was 180) is to lose as many inches as possible. I told my friend that I was 37-27-40 and since she had the dress made to that size I have to be that size...

..::99 Cent Big Macs::..

TGI for the recession!

The last time I remember a deal this good was in 2002 with 2 Big Macs for $2. This is better than that because I don't feel obligated to buy 2 at a time (and subsequently, eat 2 at a time). Back then I remember having 6 in one day!

But that was the "old" me. I wouldn't have made it this far (42lbs deep) if I was still like that. But with that being said, the new me ain't no fool. I know my cravings and sooner than later I will crave a big mac so it's better to splurge when it's economically friendly than when it goes back up!

For those of you who are in Vancouver, this deal is being offered exclusively at the new Bidwell and Robson location in downtown . It's a grand re-opening sale.

I've partaken in 2 since I discovered it last Wednesday. Before I went to Jamaica all British Columbia McDonald's were offering McChickens for 1.99 and I had one. You see, you have to take up these offers because it makes you feel better about your splurge.

However, now that it's out of my system I can concentrate on getting to 144 again. I'm gonna see what kind of results I can achieve in the 3 weeks before I go to England.

NOW BEGINS MY JOURNEY (2.0) BECAUSE I HAVE REALIZED (AND ADMITTED TO MYSELF) THAT I WON'T BE HAPPY UNTIL I ACHIEVE EXACTLY WHAT I SET OUT FOR OVER A YEAR GO. AND THAT IS TO BE 144.

I will post Be 144 everywhere until I am.

I'M MAKING THIS QUICK

I was in Jamaica for a week, an all-inclusive vacation. On the resort my breakfast alone consisted of 2 pancakes and syrup, 6 strips of bacon, 2 muffins, 2 fried eggs and 2 croissants. I over indulged obviously and my other meals were similar.

The damage? 8lbs in the week. I know that's fluff weight. If it came on in 8 days, it'll come off in 4. I've worked out this formula before.

So now I'm cleansing and getting ready for my trip to England. My friends there haven't seen me since I was at least 30lbs heavier. And to top it off, I will be feature in SHAPE Magazine for their September issue. This feature includes a photoshoot that will take place in hopefully I month. So hopefully I should get back down to 148 by then...lol...I said get "back down" implying that I've seen that number on the scale. I could have been that small during the time I was using the scale. I was 151.8 so that's not that far off.

So 3 weeks until SHAPE photoshoot. 4 Weeks until England and 10 weeks until I'm back in Toronto again for a wedding. Have I mentioned that I live in Vancouver now? Well I've been here for over 8 months and it's been good for my body but not for my skin! I've been breaking out like crazy...I'm starting a new skin regiment and I plan to have beautiful clear skin and be 144 the next time I see my friends and family in Toronto. Even though the dressmaker that made my bridesmaid dress for my friend's wedding told me not to lose anymore weight!

Here are some pictures from a great time! All the compliments I received were overwhelming! the drop from 165 to 152 made such a difference...

Coming up: Attack of the belly fat, Getting runner's legs, and Perfect skin NOW...

DRUM ROLL PLEASE...

Last weigh in: March 31 2009 154lbs

Next Weigh in: May 21 2009

Stay tuned!

..::In My Mind::..

I'm not as small as others see me. I still feel like 165 and not the 152 that I last saw. Oh how the weight game is fickle! My thighs grew from 23" to 25 in the two weeks that I was entertaining a house guest! I know I ate out and over ate everyday, but two inches?!?! Didn't think that was possible.

For the past seven days though I've been better, no fast food and eating right before bed. I feel tonnes lighter and the measuring tape is slowly but surely shrinking. Good, cause in two weeks I will be in Jamaica, on a beach and I can't be mistaken for Barney in my purple one-piece from H&M!

The above pic is of me planting a shrub I got on earth day!

..::What I Know::..

This weight thing is not about being "slim". It's about obtaining a goal.

Now I've been eating so bad lately...whole bags of chips, fries, costco poutines, etc. But through it all I've been hitting the gym and notice that my body is still overall 2" smaller than it was at the beginning of the year.

Why has losing over 40lbs been so important to me? Because, along with reading the whole bible, it was a goal that I've been chasing since forever. I haven't seen the 150 since around the turn of the century...

So although I don't dwell on losing weight anymore, I do dwell on my achievement to date. I have no desire to weigh in either until I see a decrease in the measurements...maybe just before the first wedding that I'm in, May.

..::KEEP UP WITH THE NEW ME::..

It ain't easy keeping the new me away from the habits the old me had. Case and point: Last night at my weekly field trip to Wal-mart, I bought a bag of Ruffles All Dressed Chips (if you're American, All Dressed is pretty much a cross between BBQ, Sour Cream & Onion and Ketchup flavoured chips...wait y'all don't have ketchup flavour either!). Anywho within 12 minutes of purchase said large bag of chips...they were done! Never even made it on to the train home with me.

What the heck? No one said the new me can't have treats but a whole bag...I've blocked the size of the bag out of my head but I remember calculated it to be about 1400cals in the bag. Just like that at 10pm on a Saturday night. What made it so bad was that I wasn't hungry. And I was willing to wash it down with a big mac combo (supersize fries of course).

If I didn't call my friend I would have ingested closed to 3000cals that night alone!

He urged me to "think it through." He reminded me that I have weddings to look for and that I shouldn't be going overboard.

So what did I do today! After chinese for lunch, a latte, a jumbo carrot muffin...I went for a 75 minute run and 25 minute 15% incline power walk (4mph). Burned 1207cal and did 8.55miles (13.75km). So that was a 100 minutes on the treadmill!

There's one good thing about when I fall off I really compensate for it! 1207cals! Craaaazy!

NEVER MADE IT TO 150

BUT 152 WILL DO!

Wow...

Where to start with my update? Well after a year of being semi serious I've went from the following:

From a post from April 28th-
Fat Stats
Beginning Weight = 194
Beginning Size = a Jacob 13/14
Goal Lbs. = 160Goal #2 = 145Goal Size = 7/8
Current Weight = 172.7 Pounds
Current Size = 11/12-13/14
Weight Loss = 21.3 pounds
Pounds to Go = 12.7Week # = 3 (from 186lbs)

TODAY:

Measurements: 37-28.5-41
Size: 6 & 8's 30'
Goal is still 144 but I've reached my goal size (surpassed it!)
WEIGHT: 152

WEIGHT LOSS: 42LBS

Pounds to Go: NONE

My main goal is to stay under 155 and eventually under 150. For now I'm doing good.

I'm going to get working on my tips and my WHAT FAT PEOPLE LIKE column!

On Sunday I tried on a bunch of H&M clothes....all the size 8's fit! My thighs went from 27 inches (the size of someone waist) to 23! And my stomach from 37 to 28.5!!!! Hips from 45 to 41!

It's been a great journey. Now as I shift into maintenance mode I will no longer be reporting about my weight as much. I will update when I see that I've reached my ultimate goal but other than that I will be shifting from a fatty's quest for success in this weight loss thing to a reformed fatty's look on life.

I used to blog on www.yccto.blogspot.com but now I think I will link these two sites...somehow! or maybe not at all but they will pretty much have the same content!!!

BRING IT!

Weigh-in is on April 1st! I'm not nervous...even though I've been eating really bad lately! People are now saying that I've lost a tonne of weight. That could be because I've been wearing more form fitting clothing. I've lost about 1.5 to 2" all over. Doesn't seem like much to me. My stomach and arms are on my hit list come April 1st.

April 1st will be a good day! I will see 140 something. Regardless of what I'm eating now! And even more important, I'm getting my much awaited body wrap at noon on the first! After a kick butt workout of course.

Body Wrap provided by Som Visao, Vancouver-Canada www.somvisao.com

I AIN'T AFRAID OF NO SCALE!!

I will however avoid it until March 31st! I will probably go the the Y that morning and do my last official weigh in. I only need to see under 150. After this week and my intense running and weight training I think I'm at 149 at least (okay maybe 150.4) but I'm not ruining this idea by stepping on that scale! I know I ate some cookies, had a BK combo and DQ ice cream cone but I also ran 60-75 minutes and did weights everyday! The day I ate the BK combo I calculated that I still burned 1000 more calories than I ate on that day! Now put in the fact that I've eating a few chewy oatmeal cookies more than I should have on thursday night, I should at least break even this week (151.6) or be below.

Now with me not eating more than 1600 calories per day with burning 800 calories per day I should see 144 by April 11th (in 3 weeks).

It's basic math. I'm done the diet thing at month's end so I will just trust this basic formula to bring me to my goal. Next weigh in is on the 31st and after that April 11th.

After that how my clothes fit will be the judge of how fit I am. I also feel great that my only problem area is now my stomach. I don't need abs I just need it to stop hanging over my pants. That can be taken care of though with consistent core work and a diet change. I've kicked my 5 slices of bread per day habit (for now) and increased my beans and greens. I'm still aiming for a 27" waist soon.

NOTES:

• I will not substitute my cookie addiction for canned fruits! Like pineapples
• Found a new site and it's Canadian www.tinytrim.blogspot.com

CAN'T WAIT TO BE...

FREE!

No more diet journals, feeling guilty for eating, excessive purging, compulsive weigh-ins, counting calories or talking about diets or what I crave. No more comparing myself to others, wanting to be someone other than me or not being grateful for my body. No more forcing things to fit or adding to my motivation pile.

Also no more eating whatever I crave when I crave it. No more losing control over me. No more eating because I'm bored, stressed, sad etc. No more eating fast food often or dining out and overeating. No more finishing whole cakes or boxes of cookies.

There will be more activities, exercise, confidence and gratefulness. More greens, beans and all other healthy things.

Regardless if I hit 37-27-40 by April 1, and most likely before I'm 144, I will be FREE.

CURRENT STATS:

size: S and M tops, 6 and 8 bottoms (ok, just on pair of size 6 trousers from H&M!)

weight: approx. below 155 (haven't weighed in properly since last week when I was 151.8)

Current and Future Health Plan:

Eating 1600cals and exercising daily (running 5-10k and intense weight training) 1-2hours a day

Milestones:

March 31 2009 -One year below 180lbs

June 1 2009 -One year below 170lbs

Total Loss:

43lbs!!!

Read my previous entries to see my journey thus far. I didn't write personal updates for about six month (June 2008 - Jan 2009). Coincidentally during that time I didn't really lose weight. I bounce around from 162 to 172 but usually saw 167. Since I begun writing again I've steadily dropped and have increased my endurance and now run 75 minutes! Not often though, I usually stick to 60 minutes.

I can't wait 'til the end of the month

I'm gonna start acting like I'm in the 140's from now. I'm in the market for a new motivation or maybe inspiration, like a body that I would like to achieve. I am kind of procrastinating on my lunch time workout to write this but I may as well do something good while I stall.

I used to have a pic of a Spanish actress, I don't remember her name but her body (like most of the other Latina actresses) was banging. Like my Weight Watchers scale (which went back to walmart within a week) said my body fat was 31.7 give or take 0.1 or so through out last week and I now know I probably won't go down to no 15% (even though I swear back in 2001 it was like 11% when I was 155lbs). With all that being considered I have to be careful who I use to inspire me. Plus I do have curves which bring up the obvious inspirations like Beyonce, J-Lo, Tyra, Janet etc. But at the same time I feel like I have a more svelte and muscular physique like Fergie or Jessica Biel. Oh the choices...all of those ladies have a beautiful body though. But I want to choose one to emulate as I strive to be in beach ready mode by May for a beautiful beach wedding to which I am the only bridesmaid!

Soooo the winner of the I WANT HER BODY contest is....

Yes, that's kim kardashian and while i'm not a fan of anything else she does, she does have a great and curvy body. She says she weighs 120 but I'm not buying that- maybe 130 or a bit more because she is only 5"2. Her measurements are 35-26-40 and mine right now are 37.5-29-42. I have 2 inches on her though so I will look a bit more lean...I think...

As for the fact that I'm more athletic than her...well I don't think I will be walking around as svelte as Fergie anytime soon but who knows...I am a runner now!

Running Update: I dunno if I wrote about this but I run (yes run at 10kms/hr sometimes) 6 days a week and 60 minutes for two of those days and 30-45 on the the other days. Now compared to Katy from http://www.katycraker.blogspot.com/ I'm an amateur but I will work my way up to the 14 miles that she does!

P.S. I got a subscription to SHAPE...I wanted SELF but SHAPE was half the price! Can't weight to get my first issue!

IT'S NOT A CHEAT...

IT'S A TREAT.

That's the new mentality I have to have seeing as in 20 days or so I will never be on a diet again! I had a whopper combo tonight...at 10pm! No biggie. I think I will go until the 31st without weighing myself too! It is what it is at this point. I know how and when to eat and I will just being using my common sense to make things work. I mean my friend said this to me the other day and it's sticking, "I don't give myself enough credit." I don't.

It been almost a year since I've pretty much been under 170. That's a first since like 2001 but yet I'm desperately chasing to see a number that may not be in the cards for me. I'm not saying that I can't do it if I put my mind to it, I'm just saying...is it worth it?

I wanna get into the 140's so that even when I fall off the wagon I don't have to worry about seeing the 160's. I know I will get there eventually but is it worth me forsaking EVERY socializing event in the meanwhile.

No one truly understands how it feels to live with the fear of putting back on weight. I wonder how Ricky Lake feels...she's now around 124, way below the 260 she used to be. Does she remember how big she used to be? And does she worry about going back.

My friend told me this today though, "Oprah says that you should thank God everyday for the body that you have--and it's so true." Thank goodness for great friends that can support you when you have a diet related melt down...

I need to be grateful...I have come a long way and I need to just think of me being me now and not worry about how I (my body too) will be in the future!

I'm not saying that I'm done..

I'm just gonna take my time!

Sounds like a cop out but after seeing 161 on the scale six days ago, I truly began to understand how fickle this weight loss thing is. I now see 150 something again...but it's still alarming.

I just have to realize that slow and steady wins the race. So i think I will be grateful if I see 150 by the 31st! That's all I want! Seeing 144 eventually will be hot but after being 157 then 153 then up to 161 and back to 155 in just a couple of weeks, I realize that the number isn't everything.

I went to a former p/t retail work place of mine, Reitman's, last week. Back in 2000 my cousin had to surgically remove me from a pair of size 11 jeans and last summer even after losing 30lbs I was still an 11, but on Friday I was fitting into size 7's there! That was my goal..to be a 7/8. At Jacob I was a size 6 in a dress but in two different styled pants I squeezed into a 6 and an 8. The sizing game is just as fickle as the scale game so I will not let those numbers get to me either.

So now that I only have 5lbs to do in 3 weeks I feel much better. It's completely obtainable. But don't get it twisted, I will be 144lbs soon! Definitely before my trip to Jamaica! Can you say "two piece!"

Update on my quest to 144

So it's the 1st of the 3rd month of the year. I started this year with a mind to reach 144 by February 18th....for nostalgic reasons. By mid-January I clearly saw the error in my judgement and pushed the date to March 31 ,2009. On March 31 last year I had started a new position at a publishing company. I weighed 186-ish. It was when I started there that I become serious. Three months later I was 166.

Now I am approx 153. I have to weigh my self this week. My tracking chart has me saying that I should be 150.5 this week. I have 31 days to make to 144 and even if I don't, this is the end of my dieting.

And no I'm not doing that whole "it's a life change" thing. I'm ending the insanity that dieting for a decade has caused. I am admitting that even now, at the smallest I've ever been, I'm not satisfied. I am yearning to be a size that is not even possible for someone of my body type and athleticism. I don't know how to explain it. My good friend, NG, brought up the fact that we need to end this thing...always dieting, talking about dieting or binging. We need to get ourselves in check. I'm 40 some odd pounds lighter and I still have issues. It's like a never ending thing for me....

Right now what makes me wanna end it is because I want to shop for some clothes that compliment my new body and make me look trendy. Kind of like the clothes that I dress my NVM up in. Funny enough I work p/t at H&M and that's what my NVM is wearing but still I haven't really shopped there. Now I don't wanna be H&M from head to toe but I do wanna look chic and swimming in my former size 12's is not making the cut.

Now I might not be able to wear size 8's all around, but whatever size I am at midnight April 1, 2009 is what I am shopping for. My measurements haven't really changed in February but I am going to try my best to be at my goal of 37-27-39. That's a loss of 2 inches all over. I will do it!

So just to say it again....at midnight April 1 I am done done done with dieting, talking about dieting or planning my diet. I will probably plan my workouts and make sure I am putting proper nutrients into my body but I will be done trying to become a size that was probably not meant for me! I used to be almost 200. I will be under 150 and be satisfied!

Special love and kisses to my new friends in Vancouver who always tell me how great I look! And to the gym in my building for making it impossible for me to make excuses when it comes to working out...

My full thank you list is to come...including a shout out to the haters that said I couldn't do it!